Doubt
Syaoran stood outside the door to his classroom. He just couldn't go in yet. He had spent the night before driving around and trying to figure out what he should do about Sakura. He still hadn't come to any real conclusions, despite having had a very long converstaion with himself in the bathroom mirror that morning.
Yes, definately, he loved Sakura. Still. Always. It even struck him as slightly absurd. He was only ten years old when he met her. She was just his first crush! Was it just because they had known each other for so long? They never even really dated! Well, sort of...but they had just been kids in middle school. It was so different now! He didn't know how to react to her anymore. At this point he couldn't even believe he remembered everything correctly. Had he really kissed her all those years ago? Or was that just a fantasy? No...he had. He had kissed her. He remembered his anxiety, her glowing skin, the shimmer in her eyes. But now it all seemed like a dream. What happened? They finished middle school...then started high school...she had even dated other people and it never bothered him! Why hadn't it bothered him? It sure as hell would bother him now! He had convinced himself that they had been young, and it hadn't meant anything, and that he didn't care. But, then again, she had never been serious about any of them. Mostly, she just didn't want to be rude and say no. He knew this to be true because she had talked to him about all of them. She told him that he was her best friend, next to Tomoyo, of course. So that was it; they were friends.
And then she was gone. For a year. And it had felt like an eternity. He still didn't know why, but her absence had been agonizing. It became very clear to him that his feelings for Sakura were still there, only deepened and refined with maturity. He realized how much he relied on being able to see her everyday in class...and after soccer matches, when they would go with Yamazaki, Chiharu and the others to eat...and Sakura would sit next to him in her cheerleading uniform...not dates...but time he could spend near her, and have some of her attention...but now that he had lived without her...it was no longer enough. But it was unthinkable, he concluded, that Sakura might return his feelings.
Still, there was a nagging voice in the back of his
mind...his own voice, but since yesterday, using Tomoyo's words, that kept
reminding him that once before, she had returned his feelings. But...could
he tell her now? Was Tomoyo right? Wouldn't she know how Sakura felt?
Slowly he pushed open the door.